Peace in the Home - Fiery Words from the Esteemed Rabbi Eliezer Berland shlit"a

Here are wonderful words regarding the importance of and the correct path to shalom bayit (peace in the home), which the holy Rav Eliezer Berland shlit"a said before a large crowd at a Melaveh Malkah event at our Rebbe's house in Bat Yam.

"A husband must say words of praise to his wife. If he does not know how to say good words, it is better that he gets divorced, that he gives her a get (divorce document) and she will find another husband who will say good words to her. A husband must say only good words to his wife, words of encouragement: 'You are the most successful woman in the world, bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh.' 'You are my bone, you are my flesh, we are one, the two of us together is the best shidduch in the world.' And one must repeat this every day, several times a day."

"If the wife says some word, it is forbidden to answer; one must ignore it. A woman is allowed to say whatever she wants, but a man is not allowed to because he studies Torah. The woman studies whenever she wants, but the man is obligated to study always. One must only awaken love in the home, only awaken joy. There is no book in the world that speaks about how to speak to a wife like the Torah speaks, 'bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh.'"

"A man must always tell his wife that she is the only one in the world; it is forbidden to ever tell her that there are better women. Always say, 'You are the most successful, you are the most wonderful, what you do, no one else can do, only you, there is no one like you, you are the most precious to me and there is no person in the world as precious to me as you.' All women are like monkeys next to you, that is how one must speak to a wife. 'You are the most perfect woman.' It is forbidden to tell a wife that she is not yet perfect and that she needs to work on herself. One must emphasize and tell the wife that she is the perfect one and there is no other, 'You are my wife.'"

"Every time one comes home, one must come with something—pizza, sometimes falafel—and then they will sit together and talk, tell stories with patience, not with irritability. When a person comes home, he must not rush; he has nothing then except his wife, the world stops turning. When a person fails with a million forbidden gazes, then his wife is no longer a factor for him; then he arrives home and he is only irritable and angry at his wife. With the eyes, one can commit more sins than with actions, because with an action one can only blemish once, but with the eyes, one can blemish a million times in one day. So he draws upon himself such impurity that he comes home irritable and angry and does not speak nicely. The moment a person guards his eyes, he will not be angry at his wife."

"The Zohar says regarding the verse (Genesis), 'Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife,' the husband must be attached to his wife all the time. Even when he is not at home, he must think about her: what is happening with her, how she is feeling, perhaps the child fell, perhaps a tooth fell out. If the man thinks about his wife, then he will truly feel if something happened and if a child lost a tooth."

"'And shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh,' then their children become successful, children who study Torah, holy souls. The outside does not interest them at all, they have no trial in these things."