Peace in the Home - Fiery Words from the Esteemed Rabbi Eliezer Berland shlit"a

Here are wonderful insights about the importance and the correct way to achieve peace in the home, as spoken by the esteemed Rabbi Eliezer Berland shlit"a before a large audience at the Melaveh Malka gathering at the house of our Rebbe in Bat Yam.

"The husband must say words of praise to his wife. If he doesn't know how to say good words, it's better that he divorces her, gives her a get, and she finds another husband who will say good words to her. The husband must only say good words to his wife, words of encouragement, 'You are the most successful woman in the world, bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh.' 'You are my bone, you are my flesh, we are one, together we are the best match in the world.' And this should be repeated every day several times a day."

"If the wife says something, it is forbidden to respond, one must ignore it. The wife is allowed to say whatever she wants, but the man is not because he studies Torah. The wife learns whenever she wants, but the man is obligated to always learn. One must only awaken love in the home, only awaken simcha (joy). There is no book in the world that speaks about how to talk to a wife like the Torah does, 'You are bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh.'"

"The man should always tell his wife that she is the only one in the world, never say there are better women. Always say, you are the most successful, you are the most wonderful, what you do no one else can do, only you, there is no one like you, you are the most precious to me and there is no one in the world as dear to me as you. All women are like monkeys next to you, that's what you should say to your wife. You are the most perfect woman, it is forbidden to tell a woman she is not yet perfect and needs to work on herself. You must emphasize and tell the woman she is perfect and there is no other, you are my woman."

"Every time you come home, you should bring something, pizza, sometimes falafel, and then sit together and talk, tell stories with patience, not with agitation. When a person comes home, he must not rush, he has nothing then but his wife, the world stops turning. When a person fails in a million forbidden sights, then his wife is no longer a factor for him, so he comes home and he is only angry and upset with his wife. With the eyes, one can commit more transgressions than with actions, because with actions one can only fail once, but with the eyes, one can fail a million times in one day. So he draws upon himself such impurity that he comes home agitated and angry and does not speak nicely. The moment a person guards his eyes, he will not be angry with his wife."

"The Zohar says about the verse (Genesis) 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife,' the husband must always be attached to his wife. Even when he is not at home, he must think about her, what is happening with her, how she feels, maybe the child fell, maybe he lost a tooth. If the man thinks about his wife, he will truly feel if something happened and if the child lost a tooth."

'And cleave to his wife and they shall become one flesh,' then their children become successful, children who study Torah, holy neshamot (souls). The outside world does not interest them at all, they have no experience with these things."