Tear-Jerking: Clinical Death Before the Heavenly Court

Many stories have been published, including first-hand testimonies, telling of the holy Gaon and Tzaddik, Rabbi Eliezer Berland shlit"a (may he live long and good days), sitting on the seat of the Beis Din d'Shmaya (Heavenly Court) and serving as a defense advocate for the souls that arrive there. The following story is the account of Rabbanit Ruchama Ephrati tlit"a (may she live long and good days), who reached the court of Rebbe Nachman after a difficult ordeal of suffering. Rabbanit Ruchama arrived at the hospital to give birth in a regular and natural way, but to her sorrow, her condition deteriorated, and she suffered a traumatic event filled with difficult experiences.

Ruchama shares her moving story with us, which, despite all the difficulties, brings us to a great strengthening in yirat shamayim (fear of Heaven), emunat tzaddikim (faith in the righteous), and an awakening in teshuvah (repentance). This personal testimony shows how much emunat chachamim (faith in the sages) in general, and the connection to the Tzaddikim during our lives and our service of Hashem, helps us.

"Hello, my name is Ruchama and I want to share my personal story with you. A few days before I gave birth, I was hospitalized; it was on Friday, the eve of Yom Kippur," Rabbanit Ruchama begins her story.

"Before I was admitted, I was privileged to speak with my Rabbi, Rabbi Shalom Arush shlit"a, who told me to listen to the words of the medical staff. From the moment I entered the hospital, everything went wrong and didn't go as planned. Even during the blood test, the needle broke inside the vein and blood sprayed everywhere."

A Difficult Spiritual Feeling Without the Ability to Explain in Words

"Slowly, the pains grew and weakened me, until Sunday night when I began to feel a spiritual weakness. This was the first Shabbat we had ever kept, the Shabbat before the birth, and I didn't yet understand that what I was going through were dinim (harsh judgments)."

"During the night, my sister called me and told me about a dream she had. She said she saw the honorable Rabbi Berland shlit"a, the crown of our head. In the dream, he stood near her baby's changing station. It is known that the Rav is entirely full of mercy and sweetness, but in the dream, he was very serious. He put his hat on his head and said to my sister, 'Come with me.' Suddenly, she saw herself in the living room of the Rav's house in Jerusalem. He sat on the chair and performed an aliyat neshamah (soul ascent). That is, he threw his head back, rolled his eyes, and performed a soul ascent."

"By intuition, my sister understood that this was about my birth."

Rabbi Berland shlit"a Prepares My Sister for What Is to Come

"After the Rav woke up from the soul ascent, he said to her, 'I know, it's going to be hard. I am poel yeshuos (working salvations); in the end, it will be okay.' My sister woke up terrified from the dream and called to tell me about it."

"I didn't feel good about the story, but my brother and I chose to make light of it and call my sister 'Baba Ayala.' However, deep inside, I understood there was something to my sister's words, and I felt that something was wrong."

"Towards Sunday morning, I already felt very unwell and asked to enter the delivery room. They told me, 'It's not time yet and it's a pity for you to go in,' but I insisted and claimed I was in excruciating pain and asked for an epidural for relief."

"They discovered I had scoliosis in my back, so the epidural injection had to be slow. At first, the pain blurred a bit, but afterward, I began to scream in pain. They increased the dosage, but nothing helped. They added more sedative, but that didn't help either."

In a conversation with Rabbanit Arush tlit"a, she said something strange happened: Rabbi Arush shlit"a did not return as usual for his morning meal. Finally, after we couldn't reach the Rav, Rabbanit Arush dedicated a sum for a pidyon nefesh (soul redemption) for me."

The Beginning of a Difficult and Suffering-Filled Birth

"They started a vacuum delivery, which moved to a forceps delivery after the fetus got stuck in the birth canal. I was already without an epidural and felt them cutting into my living flesh. I was in phantom pains, the strongest a person can experience before losing consciousness."

"With my last scream, I cried out, 'Hashem, I can't do this, do with me whatever You want.' Then, I began to see my funeral procession. From Heaven, they showed me my husband and the baby girl standing in the cemetery; they were announcing that the funeral procession was about to depart, and I understood that my situation was really not good. I understood that I was about to die while the birth was still continuing."

"I no longer felt the pain, but I felt my soul leaving my body. I saw the staff treating me, my sister in the hallway, and my husband who had fainted outside."

"I was screaming from inside—'I don't want to die, I don't want to die.' It was a silent cry of the heart; no one heard me except for Hashem and the Heavenly Entourage."

In the Heavenly Chamber Before the Court of Rebbe Nachman

"I arrived at a chamber, an amazing heavenly place, with incredible pastel colors that cannot be described or explained—a spiritual pleasure where every word would diminish the feeling. But I knew I didn't want to stay there and that it wasn't my place to remain."

"I continued to scream that I didn't want to die while I was flying and wandering there. The space was amorphous, without boundaries; it had no beginning and no end."

"I reached a kind of podium (a slightly raised platform) on which there was a black sticker that said, The Court of our Holy Rebbe, Rebbe Nachman of Breslov zy"a (may his merit protect us)."

"There were three figures there. I didn't see them, but I definitely felt their presence. I have no doubt that Rabbi Shalom, Rabbi Berland, and Rebbe Nachman were there."

I Don't Want to Die – I Want to Continue Living

"I stood there small, not even a grain of sand. I had nothing to say except, 'I don't want to die.' I had nothing to hold onto except the desire to continue living."

"I heard a voice saying to me, 'Ruchama, go from here.' He repeated the sentence, and I felt that suddenly someone gave me a strong push. I flew from there and returned back to my body."

"In my body, I returned to feeling all the pain and suffering. They connected me to an oxygen mask. After I repeatedly said it was very hard for me to breathe, they injected me with a substance to stabilize my pulse."

"I said to myself, from here on, I am living. It was put into my head that no matter what pain I go through, I am staying alive."

"One of the doctors came and confessed to me: 'In the morning, a thought came to me to switch rooms. I went to the professor who delivered your baby and told him I wanted to switch rooms. If I had been the one to deliver your baby, I don't know where it would have ended; that is, there was a high chance I would have lost you.'"

"In the evening, Rabbi Shalom Arush shlit"a called. I told him what I had gone through, and he told me that now he could tell me a secret. 'There was a very harsh decree against you. I performed pidyonos (soul redemptions) for you and it didn't help, but, Baruch Hashem (thank God), in the end, you are alive and you are here with us.'"

"After Ruchama thanks Rabbi Shalom shlit"a for all the help, she turns to speak about Rabbi Berland shlit"a. Hashem desired my life and not my death."

"Certainly, Rabbi Berland worked salvations and sweetened the judgments. My sister told me afterward that what kept her in hope was Rabbi Berland's sentence in the dream—'It will be hard, but in the end, it will be okay.' Certainly, Rabbi Berland sweetened the judgments and worked salvations above nature."

"Believe in the Tzaddikim. Hashem is King in the upper worlds and the whole earth is full of His glory, but at the same time, He created Tzaddikim here so they would be His good messengers. The true Tzaddikim who work salvations for us. Believe in them and give them strength by walking in the ways of Hashem, may He be blessed. In faith, in truth, in holiness, and in purity."