Have You Reached the Shemoneh Esrei?

"Jacob left Be'er Sheva and went toward Charan. He encountered the place..." (Genesis 28:10-11).

"The Shemoneh Esrei prayer is 'the place.' If you have reached the Shemoneh Esrei, you have reached the right place; here lies the salvation, here is the million-dollar fund. The Holy One, Blessed is He, awaits your prayer; He wants to give you everything. He simply waits for one prayer with intent, one prayer with a broken heart, word for word, letter by letter. He simply waits for this, craves this. For every Jew, all miracles and wonders are ready; everything is prepared for him. Hashem is only waiting for him to open his mouth" (The Rav).

Holy Breath

The entire purpose of creation is that man—who is a messenger of God, who is a portion of God from above, who is Godliness within a body—should descend below into earthly matters, into physical concerns. Yet, within this physicality, he must not forget his mission. He must constantly remember Hashem and mention Hashem. He has prayers and blessings, and this is a task of 24 hours a day, primarily in one's thoughts: to think good thoughts every single moment—thoughts of joy, of gratitude, of concession (giving in), of the desire to do good for another, of introspection to see if we have done something wrong and to ask for forgiveness. The whole world was created so that every single moment we remember Hashem and know that Hashem walks with us, accompanies us, and is present with us in the mumbling of our lips, in the prayer books, in the prayers, and in Torah study. A person is constantly mumbling, aloud or quietly, constantly speaking with Hashem, constantly saying "with Hashem's help" and "thank God," and everything he goes through all day is only so that he will say these words.

Hashem does not give up on any person. We are all children of kings. And specifically from the furthest ones, who do even a small thing, the Holy One, Blessed is He, derives immense satisfaction and such great pleasure. This man whom society does not accept, who does not accept himself, who is so unsuccessful, such a failure, for whom nothing goes right—Hashem does not give up on him under any circumstances.

No matter how unwise or simple I am, and how much I do not know or understand, with all this, I want Hashem. I want to love Hashem and to know that everything here is *hevel* (futility/vanity) and there is only Hashem in the world. I want to turn the *hevel* of the world into a holy *hevel peh* (breath of the mouth), a breath of prayer, a breath of Torah, a breath of a cheerful countenance—of a person who speaks good words to his friend, who offers praise, who gladdens, who encourages. All these breaths are breaths of holiness. When does one merit holy breath? When one knows that the entire world is nothing but vanity. One turns all the vanities of the entire world into holy breath.

And the main thing is to say thank you. This is the holiest breath of the mouth. To constantly say thank you for what Hashem gives us. To constantly walk with gratitude. To strengthen oneself in *Emunah* (faith) that Hashem is good, that everything He does is all to bring us closer to Him—even what seems to us to be not good. And if we strengthen ourselves in this faith, then we must offer thanks in advance for everything that happens to us. Even when we arrive at the airport on our way to Uman and discover there is a strike and crowds have been waiting and standing in the same spot for many hours. Even when we finally arrive at the destination and specifically our suitcases refuse to come up onto the carousel that has been spinning for many minutes, and I remain there almost alone, dying of fear that the suitcases will not arrive. Before anything else, say thank you. Because this too is certainly for the best. We hear of so many miracles and wonders from people who walk with gratitude. What miracles, what salvations! So when will the coin finally drop for us, and we start thanking for ev-ery-thing?

"A person must remind himself daily of the work of gratitude! Every day! Because the moment a person gets confused and starts thinking that things are not good, woe to him! Every day a person must remind himself of the simple faith that truly Hashem is good, and life is beautiful and sweet, and the world is beautiful and good, and everything is good! And one must say thank you!

And if we are lacking something? Fine, first let us say thank you, and then ask Father in Heaven to give it to us. And even regarding what we have not yet managed to rectify in ourselves, first let us say thank you for what we *have* succeeded in, and afterwards for what we haven't succeeded in but desire to. There is much to be thankful for. Do not leave the path of gratitude! Do not leave it for one day, for one second! Only one thing is truth—that one says thank you! With anything else, you are already in error! You start to complain, to persecute yourself, to criticize yourself—this is already a lie; you are living in a lie. Are you lacking? Say thank you! Start with thank you! Never leave gratitude! Thank You, Father in Heaven! Thank You, thank You, thank You! If a person loses the faith that everything is good... the person is truly pitiful... he loses his joy. And the main thing: Thank You, Hashem Yitbarach, for the faith You have given me" (HaMevarech Et Amo Yisrael BaShalom).

What happens between man and his fellow—the concession, the giving, the love—this is most important to the Holy One, Blessed is He. These are all holy breaths. Concession (*vitur*) is the formula for happiness that we are actually seeking all our lives. With this formula, one maintains *Shalom Bayis* (domestic peace); with this formula, one solves disputes between neighbors. Concession is a mighty, wondrous weapon of gigantic proportions that creates an atmosphere of pleasantness and happiness wherever it is used.

In the time of Rabbi Aryeh Levin zt"l, it was customary that when a groom entered the *Yichud* room (seclusion room) after the Chuppah, he would bring a gift with him. At the wedding of Rabbi Aryeh Levin, he did not have the financial means to buy a gift for his bride. When he came to the *Yichud* room, he turned to his bride and said: 'Although I came empty-handed, despite everything, instead of a gift, I want to promise you that in every argument that arises between us, I will justify your opinion.' It was not for nothing that Rabbi Aryeh Levin merited sons-in-law who were famous giants of Torah, such as Maran HaGaon Rabbi Yosef Shalom Elyashiv zt"l, whose every word the entire world awaited. Although we are far from this level, at least let us not argue over every foolishness; at least let us make an effort to stop making comments to the other, to restrain ourselves, to brake the mouth even if it is already on the tip of the tongue.

"And God remembered Rachel" (Genesis 30:22). The Creator of the World remembers, more than anything else, the moments when we gave in for the sake of others. We gave up our comfort, our privacy, our plans—all to gladden another. what a great thing this is. How few merit to reach this. For what reason did Rachel merit that Hashem remembered her for the good?

After all, Rachel was barren by nature; in what merit did the Holy One, Blessed is He, give her two sons? In the merit of her concession regarding her match (giving the signs to Leah). A person gives in; he does not lose. He immediately receives other things, wonderful and tremendous. Just as Rachel received Joseph the Tzaddik, who was on the level of the Patriarchs, and his sons Manasseh and Ephraim, who were on the level of the Tribes.

How much one must guard this mouth so that no *Lashon Hara* (slander), no gossip, no anger, no arrogance, no falsehood, no mockery, and no bad speech comes out of it. How can one take this holy breath and, instead of expending it in prayer, in Torah, in love of friends, expend it on *Lashon Hara*?! On speaking about another?!

A person should emit only holy breaths from his mouth. Like the conversation involving the Gaon Rabbi Yaakov Kamenetsky zt"l. There was nothing that expressed his modesty and extreme humility more than his aversion to people standing up in his honor every time he entered the Yeshiva study hall or any other place. When he once entered the annual convention of Agudath Israel in America with Rabbi Shneur Kotler zt"l, Rabbi Shneur suggested to Rabbi Yaakov that they enter through a side door to prevent the large crowd from standing up in their honor. How great was Rabbi Shneur's astonishment to hear Rabbi Yaakov reject his proposal, saying: 'After all, our wives, the Rebbetzins, are also in the hall. What pleasure they will have at the sight of the entire audience rising in our honor. Let us do this for their honor, and thereby we will make it easier for them to bear the constant burden placed on their shoulders throughout the year because of the large public that comes to us...' Is there a breath more holy than this?

What a tremendous and wonderful kindness prayer is. The Creator of the World, in His infinite mercy, gave us the possibility to ask Him for everything we lack. With a king of flesh and blood, or even a minister, every letter sent to them undergoes the secretary's review. Not every letter reaches its destination. But with the King of Kings, the Holy One, Blessed is He, a person can ask Him for whatever he desires. And when a person does not stop praying, he usually receives it as well.

Jacob our Patriarch, after 14 years of studying Torah day and night, leaves the place of holiness and arrives in Charan, a place of *Charon Af* (wrath), of strict judgments, the height of impurity. As soon as he arrives, the sun sets on him prematurely, yet he is not alarmed by this great darkness. He does the one and only thing that can extract him from the darkness, that can extract every one of us when suddenly, in the middle of life, all of a sudden, everything goes dark for us—he prays. "And he encountered the place," and "encounter" (*pgi'ah*) means nothing other than prayer (Berachot 26b). Master of the World, help me. Master of the World, only You can save me.

Rachel our Matriarch also insists in prayer. "With divine wrestlings have I wrestled with my sister" (Genesis 30:8). I pleaded many pleas to be equal to my sister, for I too want, like my sister, to bear sons. And Hashem answered her pleas, as the verse concludes, "I have wrestled... and I have prevailed."

But Leah our Matriarch merited more than all of them. Her weeping over the fact that she was destined to marry Esau did not cease for a moment. She would go out to the crossroads every new day to hear more and more about the deeds of the intended groom, Esau, about whom everyone said: "Rebecca has two sons and Laban has two daughters; the elder to the elder, and the younger to the younger" (Bava Batra 123). And every new day she would be shaken by the harsh rumors, which renewed and even intensified her weeping.

"Anash (People of our community) spoke of the virtue of the service of *Hisbodedus* and the abundance of prayer that we learn from Leah our Matriarch. For although Jacob loved Rachel, and she, Leah, was destined according to the order established Above to marry Esau, nevertheless she merited through the abundance of weeping in her prayers and tears to such an extent that she was the first to marry Jacob, and most of the Tribes came from her. Even Moshiach will be from her descendants. And all this was because 'Leah's eyes were soft'—for she was tired and weary (*le'ah*) from the abundance of weeping she cried in her prayers that she should not fall, Heaven forbid, into Esau's portion. And by the power of her many tears and prayers, she effected a complete and total change in her destiny" (Sichot HaRan, 244).

When a person prays abundantly, he lives his own nullity. He understands that he has no counsel other than prayer. That he must ask Hashem for everything. Even the smallest thing. That he has no other address. That he cannot manage without Hashem. And if he insists in prayer, he will effect salvations. Because prayer is a holy breath; it is an expression of holy and perfect faith in Hashem.

A Jew must constantly speak with faith. To search for methods "under the ground" on how to strengthen himself and strengthen his home in faith.

When a person stands before his God with true knowledge that only He is capable of helping him, and that he has nothing of his own, if he strengthens his heart in warm and sincere prayer and casts all his burden only upon the Creator of all worlds—even when he sees no logical solution to his request—they will very quickly prove to him that he had Someone to rely on. As in the words of Rabbi Nosson of Breslov zt"l: "And he should believe in Hashem Yitbarach, that the Holy One, Blessed is He, is good for everything—whether for healing, for livelihood (*parnassah*), or for all things. And this should be his main effort: to call out to the Holy One, Blessed is He, for this is good and effective for everything in the world, and this he can always find, for He, may He be blessed, is always present" (Kitzur Likutey Moharan 14).

To believe in salvation in the depth of 'hopelessness.' In the depths of every Jew's heart lies true faith in the unlimited power of the Creator; one must connect to it. To connect to the faith and hope that lie in the words 'Omnipotent' (*Kol Yachol*)! Hashem is literally Omnipotent. He can send me a miraculous salvation even at this very moment. And although up to this moment, after I have already prayed tens and perhaps hundreds and perhaps thousands of prayers, I have still not been saved, this does not mean that in this very moment I will not be saved.

Hashem hears the prayer of every mouth! One must believe in this! It is written, after all! Did you not receive what you asked for? You must believe that it would not bring you closer to the Creator of the World, that it might distance you. Even if you do not understand why. And even if you ask for spiritual things, which seemingly is always good, Hashem Yitbarach knows that you do not yet have the vessels to receive what you so desire; therefore He does not yet give it to you. He keeps your prayer for another matter or another time when it *will* be good for you. I believe in You, Master of the World, that You do only what is best for me. I am too small to understand each time what good is hidden in every concealment of the Face, in every trial You test me with, but I believe that I will yet merit to see the great good hidden in this concealment.

["We have a portion of God from above, and it is clean and pure. Every Jew has this portion of God, only it is in exile. But there is no surrender. There is no giving up. The soul, which is inside, within the body, does not give up. It is inside its prison—the body is its prison—but it does not give up. It constantly wants to lift its head upward. And when one makes this effort, one more time—'I will not despair, Hashem I love You, Hashem thank You, Hashem I know that I only need to thank You'—then from every such movement, it is impossible to describe where one can reach. How suddenly one looks at life differently, how suddenly I don't care about things, how suddenly what used to anger me no longer angers me, how I now feel that life is worth it to me, that I am connecting to You, that I know that everything here is vanity and there is only Hashem in the world, that I succeed in turning the vanity of the world into the holy breath of the mouth of schoolchildren" (pure prayer)] (Be'or Pnei Melech).

We all go through difficult periods in life. And it is all so that we discover that Hashem is with us too. "Surely Hashem is in this place and I did not know," says Jacob our Patriarch (Genesis 28:16). I did not know that even in the height of darkness You are with me. He sets out on the way, and Eliphaz the son of Esau chases him to kill him, and ultimately leaves him alive but robs him of all his money and property, leaving him poor and destitute. And Jacob remains in his faith. He has no questions against Hashem Yitbarach who promised him, "And I will guard you wherever you go... for I will not forsake you." He holds on to the faith that everything is from Hashem and everything is for the best, even if he does not understand. In the merit of this faith, he merits to extract the holy Matriarchs and the holy Tribes from the depths of the *kelipot* (husks of impurity), and to establish the House of Israel.

From Jacob our Patriarch, we learn that even if it is impossible to understand Hashem, one must believe that everything is for the best. At the time of a test, what is happening looks not good; it even looks bad. But one must believe without any understanding that everything is for the best, and in the merit of this faith, everything will yet turn around for the best.

Rabbi Menachem Azulai