Humiliation for Atonement Before Yom Kippur

One of the wondrous things we can learn from the personality of Noach is that he insisted on fulfilling the command of Hashem, continuing to build the Ark despite all the humiliation (bizyonos) he suffered from the people of his generation. They mocked him for his faith in Hashem's word that there would be a flood, and this continued for one hundred and twenty years. The unique path of Rabbi Berland shlit"a in the spiritual work of accepting humiliation with joy and love is well known. It seems that the Rav does not know what hatred is, yet toward false honor, he is truly filled with hatred and disgust. On the other hand, Rabbi Berland shlit"a is known for his great love and deep affection for humiliation and degradation, whatever it may be.

The following story was related by the one who experienced it, Rabbi Nassan Heller shlit"a, one of the students of Rabbi Berland shlit"a, as it happened to him 32 years ago. It was at the time of the birth of his firstborn son, who was born in an auspicious hour 32 years ago on the 9th of Elul. On the eve of Yom Kippur, the family prepared to fulfill the mitzvah of Pidyon HaBen (redemption of the firstborn son). The eve of Yom Kippur is a pressured and busy time for most people, but this important mitzvah of Pidyon HaBen—about which it is known that one who eats from the seudah (festive meal) of a Pidyon HaBen is considered as if he fasted 84 fasts—caused a great multitude of friends and acquaintances to come to the celebration. The redemption was scheduled to take place in the sanctuary of the Breslov Beis Midrash in Mea Shearim (the "Shul"), and important rabbis, along with a multitude of friends and acquaintances of the extended family, arrived for the joyous occasion.

Everyone waited for the arrival of the Rav. The rabbis and other Breslov mashpiyim (spiritual mentors) present understood that Rabbi Nassan Heller, the host of the celebration, would not begin the redemption before the arrival of his teacher and master, Rabbi Berland shlit"a, and therefore they waited patiently. But all patience has a

limit, and on the eve of Yom Kippur, it seems that this limit is extremely narrow and short. When they felt that time was ticking away and the Rav was nowhere in sight, grumblings began to be heard from all directions, first in a whisper and then loudly.

The host of the celebration realized that the young Torah scholar who had been sent to bring Rabbi Berland shlit"a from his home in the Jewish Quarter had somehow failed in his mission, and he decided to go himself to bring the Rav from his home. He took his father's car and left all the guests in the synagogue. When he arrived at the Rav's house, he found the Rav sitting and reciting Birchas HaMazon (Grace After Meals). Rabbi Nassan Heller waited for twenty full minutes! It was only then that the Rav finished blessing, entered the car, and traveled with him toward the Shul.

As they entered the Beis Midrash, the Rav said to Rabbi Nassan Heller, "It will be a little 'lively' here, but do not be alarmed by it." With these words, the Rav prepared him for what was about to happen in the coming minutes. However, all the preparation in the world could not compare to the intensity of the humiliation poured upon the Rav the moment they merely opened the entrance door.

From all sides, derogatory shouts and screams began to be heard, demanding how the Rav was supposedly not ashamed to leave them like this in the synagogue on the eve of Yom Kippur, making them wait for such a long time. Yet, the Rav accepted everything in silence, only saying apologetically, "You are right, mechilah (forgiveness), you are right."

One of the congregants of the synagogue decided to take action and show his strength. He approached the Rav with clenched fists, as if intending to strike, Heaven forbid, or to shove him in protest over having to wait so long. The fact that these were the final hours before the holy day of Yom Kippur did not stop him from coming and trying to raise his hand against the holy one of Israel, the tzaddik of the generation. However, Rabbi Nassan Heller immediately stood as a barrier between him and the Rav, preventing him from getting closer to the Rav.

Rabbi Nassan Heller had previously been in an elite army unit and served in a paratrooper battalion, so he possessed great strength to defend himself and protect the Rav even from the fists of this man. But at that moment, something happened that defies natural explanation. The Rav grabbed the edge of Rabbi Nassan Heller's sleeve and pushed him aside. It would have required tremendous force to move Rabbi Nassan from his place while he was flexing his muscles to protect the Rav

from the rage. Yet, just like in the story of Yaakov Avinu, peace be upon him, who rolled the stone off the mouth of the well like someone pulling a cork from a bottle, so too did Rabbi Nassan Heller feel. The Rav held the edge of his sleeve and, with a tremendous, supernatural, and supernal strength, moved him aside in order to stand facing the furious Jew without any protection.

However, the Jew became frightened upon seeing that the Rav was fully prepared to receive blows and was unwilling to defend himself, and he sat down in his place in silence. The entire ordeal lasted about ten minutes, during which congregants and guests came up one after another, complaining to the Rav that what he did was inappropriate and that it was a shame and a disgrace to be late. Each one went on at length, according to his ability, to humiliate and slander the Rav. To all of them, the tzaddik answered and replied with pleasantness and a sincere, genuine apology: "You are right, mechilah (forgiveness)."

Afterward, the Rav began to deliver a Torah class as if nothing had happened, speaking about the virtue of the Pidyon HaBen and the holiness of Yom Kippur. Immediately after the class, they proceeded to conduct the redemption.

Rabbi Nassan Heller concludes his moving story with tremendous emotion over the greatness of the tzaddik whom we merit to draw close to, to cling to his advice, and to drink from the waters of his Torah and his prayers. He shares that although today we are accustomed to such sights and our souls have already become used to it, in those days following the Pidyon HaBen, he could not sleep for several nights due to the sheer intensity of the spiritual work of accepting humiliation that he witnessed in his teacher and master, the tzaddik of the generation shlit"a.

From the book "Pele Elyon, Part 3"