The daily chizuk from The Rav, Rabbi Eliezer Berland shlit"a — “Many daughters have achieved greatness, but you surpass them all”

Tuesday, 1 Sivan 5782 — “Always tell your wife, ‘my sister,’ and there will never be divorce,” these are his holy words:

“Say, please, ‘my sister’” (Bereishis 12:13)—Rabbi Eliezer opened and said (Zohar, page 49): Say that you are my sister.

The whole point is to say to one’s wife, “my sister.” A person comes into the world to say “my sister” to his wife. He must say to her, “my sister.”

To say to her, “my sister”—not to say to her, “foolish.” He must say to her, “my sister.” He must say to her, “my precious one”—“My sister, my beloved, my dove, my perfect one” (Shir HaShirim 5:2), as it is written in Shir HaShirim.

Always tell your wife “my sister,” and there will never be divorce—if a person knows he cannot tell his wife “you are wise,” then he should not get married; he should sit quietly and not cause her pain.

Here we learn that someone who marries a woman and cannot say to her, “You are my sister, my sister”—he cannot gladden her, cannot speak sweetly to her, cannot tell her that she is wise, capable, quick—he must always tell a woman: “You are the wisest, you are the most capable, you are the most…”

Not to tell her, “You don’t cook, you don’t know how to cook.” She broke a plate? Let the plate break—mazal tov that the plate broke! It should always be mazal tov when a plate breaks!

A person doesn’t know how to tell his wife: “You are the wisest, you are the most precious—my precious one,” as it is written: “My sister, my beloved, my dove, my perfect one.”

“Many daughters have achieved greatness, but you surpass them all” (Mishlei 31:29)—about whom was this written? We always sing this after Ma’ariv on Friday night. Whoever doesn’t know how to say this should not get married—this is all written in the Zohar on page 49.

A person must tell his wife: “You are the best woman, you are the most wonderful woman, you are the most successful woman, you are the most…”

Not to say, “My mother cooked better, and my sister cooks better.” Say the opposite: “You cook the best, you are the greatest chef, there is no chef like you, you are the head of all chefs—you surpass all daughters, and you surpass them all.”

It’s simple—this matter teaches. I say this to all grooms.

You hear about someone getting divorced—after he has already humiliated her for two years, calling her “foolish” and the like, he won’t even bring her a cup of water.

After that she screams—she screams, and he tells everyone, “My wife screamed at me.” But you screamed at her a thousand times, and she held back and said, “It’s okay.”

A person doesn’t understand; he doesn’t know that he must constantly tell her: “Many daughters have achieved greatness, but you surpass them all.” To tell her always that all other women are like monkeys compared to her; to tell her 300 times that she is the only woman in the world—bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh.

He always runs to his mother: “What, you’ll manage on your own—I need to help my mother. You’re a capable woman, a good woman; you know how to manage. My mother is a poor thing. My mother needs help—she has ten children and she needs his help.”

But that is the opposite of the Torah. The Torah says: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife.” You can’t keep saying, “My mother.” He must say to her—he must speak with “Love your fellow as yourself” (Bereishis Rabbah, Parashah 24, siman 7): “You are bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh. You are the most successful woman; you are the only woman in the world.”

What pearls, what words: “bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh”—where is there anything like this? You are part of my flesh; you are part of my bones.

You are part of me—what does that mean? We are the most successful couple!