The Depth of Lowliness: The True Path to Receiving the Light of Chanukah

Motzaei Shabbos Kodesh (Saturday night), Parashas Vayeshev, 24 Kislev 5755 - At the home of the Rav (Rabbi Berland) for the workers and fundraisers.

Before meriting the great light of Chanukah, a person must pass through a feeling of deep lowliness. This article explains the difference between the lowliness of the tzaddik (righteous one) and that of the baal teshuvah (returnee to Judaism), and how absolute despair is always the counsel of the evil inclination, while holiness always calls for teshuvah (repentance).

Motzaei Shabbos Kodesh, Parashas Vayeshev, 24 Kislev 5755 - At the home of the Rav for the workers and fundraisers.

A person can find himself in a situation where he feels that everyone is against him. He asks those around him, "What is going on here? Why is no one talking to me?" And they shout at him, "What did you do? Aren't you ashamed? You committed such a great sin, such a severe transgression!" He does not even know what they are talking about, but he experiences complete disconnection. People from his inner circle tell him, "I am not talking to you anymore, we are done." They tell him that he committed the greatest sin in the world, and they sever all ties with him. In such a situation, a person experiences terrible lowliness.

Greatness from Lowliness

Before Chanukah, in order to merit the great light of the festival, a person needs to feel tremendous lowliness. In order to receive the ultimate greatness, one must first precede it with the ultimate lowliness. Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, who never sinned and who never opened his eyes to look at evil, took such lowliness upon himself before Chanukah.

For ordinary people, all the sins a person has committed were intended so that he could feel that same lowliness. The tzaddik can feel lowliness even without sins, but ordinary people are incapable of reaching a feeling of true lowliness except through their sins. Therefore, the tzaddik takes very high souls and passes them through severe sins, with the entire goal being one thing: that they reach a feeling of lowliness.

The Danger in the Pride of the Baal Teshuvah

The great danger is the pride of the one returning to Judaism. If a person thinks to himself, "I am a baal teshuvah, I am an important person," then he has gained absolutely nothing. A true baal teshuvah needs to feel constantly, "I am merely a baal teshuvah who has not even begun to do teshuvah (repentance) at all. I am the worst of everyone."

There are those who boast about their past instead of being ashamed of it. They say, "Look what a hero I am; I used to be there, and today I am here." Whoever boasts about his sins instead of regretting them cannot receive the light of Chanukah.

The Secret of Those Who Sleep in the Dust

Rebbe Nachman says (Likutey Moharan, Torah 72) that one receives the light of Shabbos solely according to their measure of lowliness. Whoever has more lowliness can feel the holiness of Shabbos more. So too in the future to come—all the light of the Resurrection of the Dead will be attained only in the merit of lowliness. It is said of the dead that they are "those who sleep in the dust." Who arises in the Resurrection of the Dead? Only one who makes himself like dust, one who becomes a neighbor to the dust out of humility and lowliness.

When a person learns Torah and prays, he might think that he is a tzaddik. Therefore, Heaven orchestrates falls for him. There is a person for whom a small sin is enough to make him feel that he is an "absolute nothing," and there is one who needs more than that. But the true tzaddik, who is on the spiritual level of Adam before the sin and Moshe Rabbeinu, knows that he is an absolute nothing even without any sin. He fulfills within himself the verse:

"And all the ends (afsei - related to the word for nothingness) of the earth shall fear Him" (Psalms 67:8).

For he has reached such a level of awe that he feels his absolute nothingness before the Creator.

The Encounter with Despair

In a story brought down from Rebbe Nachman, it is told of a certain tzaddik who fled to the forest out of immense shame and lowliness, and there he met an old man who asked to speak with him. That old man began to rebuke him harshly: "How could you do such a thing? How are you not ashamed before your holy ancestors, before Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov, and before the Baal Shem Tov?"

The tzaddik, in his brokenheartedness, asked the old man, "Since I am like this, will I at least have a portion in the World to Come where I will find atonement?" The old man answered him, "You think you will have the World to Come? You will not even have Gehenna (Purgatory)! Never have they found a soul so impure, with so many sins and desecration of Hashem's Name. You have no place, not even in Gehenna."

Holiness Never Causes Despair

At that moment, a tremendous realization awakened within the tzaddik. He understood that if the old man was telling him that he would not even have a place in Gehenna, then he was none other than the Satan himself—the Sitra Achra (the Other Side, the forces of impurity).

He said to the old man, "Do you want to make me despair completely? To not leave me even a crumb or a tiny spark of hope? A person comforts himself with the thought that at least he will enter Gehenna, become purified there, and ultimately remain pure. If you are saying that I do not even have that, it is a sign that you are entirely from the Sitra Achra (the Other Side) and there is no trace of holiness in you! Get away from me!"

True holiness never causes despair. A representative of the World of Truth would have said, "True, you committed a grave sin, but do teshuvah (repentance)! Teshuvah is always effective." The moment the tzaddik recognized that this absolute despair was coming from the Other Side and refused to accept it, that old man departed from him. This is a tremendous lesson for us: we must be willing to feel the greatest lowliness, but never fall into despair, because the gates of teshuvah are never locked.

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