The Depth of the Mitzvah of Honoring Parents: The Secret of Dama ben Netina's Red Heifer
Lesson No. 41 | Lessons at the Tziyon (gravesite) of Rebbe Nachman in Uman, 26 Elul 5755. Tzom Gedaliah 5756.
The mitzvah of honoring one's father and mother is among the most difficult and the most elevated. Through Dama ben Netina's steadfastness in his test, the spiritual secret behind the reward he received is explained, as well as how devotion to this mitzvah is equivalent to keeping Shabbos and cleanses a person from all sin.
Sometimes a mother takes something from her child, breaks it, and he becomes angry with her. But the Gemara relates about Rav Yosef, that when he would hear the footsteps of his mother approaching, he would say to his students: "The Shechinah (Divine Presence) is coming, we must run to the Shechinah." He did not just call her "mother," he called her "Shechinah"—because a mother is the Shechinah.
The Test of Dama ben Netina
The Gemara tells of a stone that was lost from the Choshen (Breastplate) and the Ephod of the Kohen Gadol (High Priest) during the time of the Second Temple. It was a stone worth six hundred thousand gold dinars. The Kohen Gadol would walk with precious stones that shone like the light of the sun, to the point that once a Greek man climbed a tall tower to look out over the Azarah (Temple courtyard), and he described in a letter that he saw a literal walking sun, because the diamonds illuminated the entire world.
The Sages traveled to Ashkelon, to a non-Jew named Dama ben Netina, who possessed diamonds. They wanted to buy a stone from him for the Ephod and the Choshen and offered him enormous sums—eight hundred thousand, a million gold dinars, unimaginable amounts. However, the key to the chest was resting under the head of his sleeping father. Dama said to them, "I am not waking up my father. Father is sleeping, mother is sleeping, I am not waking them. Even if you offer me a billion dollars right now, I am not waking them."
The Secret of the Reward: A Red Heifer to Counter the Accusation
In the merit of withstanding this test, the following year Hashem gave him his reward, and a Parah Adumah (Red Heifer) was born in his herd. The Sages returned to him and were willing to pay him any amount he desired, but he requested only the exact sum he had lost the previous year for the sake of honoring his father.
The commentaries explain that Hashem wanted to reveal something profound here. When a non-Jew fulfills a mitzvah, a kitrug (spiritual accusation) is immediately created against the Jewish people. As Rabbi Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev zy"a said when he saw the Arabs in Tashkent covered from head to toe in modesty, that this truly awakens an accusation against Israel. In order to nullify the accusation created by this non-Jew who fulfilled the honoring of parents in such a manner, Hashem answered two questions with a single answer.
He both gave the non-Jew his reward in this world so that no reward would remain for him in the World to Come, and He also showed all the accusing angels something tremendous: The non-Jew is willing to lose a vast fortune for the rational mitzvah of honoring his father and mother, but the Jewish people are willing to pay many times more for a Red Heifer—a mitzvah that is completely beyond all intellect, logic, and understanding. This is the immense emunah (faith) of the Jewish people.
Learning Good Traits
Rabbi Tzadok HaKohen of Lublin zt"l says that there are seventy nations, and every nation has a good trait and a bad trait. Our task is to sift through and take the good traits from the nations of the world, to learn manners and composure from them. Rav Dimi relates just how far Dama ben Netina went in honoring his mother, so that we may learn from it:
Once, he was sitting among the greatest leaders of Rome, dressed in a prestigious golden cloak. His mother became angry with him, entered the council, tore his garments, struck him on the head with a sandal, and even spat in his face in front of everyone. And he? He sat quietly like a good child. "Whatever you want, do to me; tear my clothes, spit in my face, hit me on the head with a sandal—it is all the Holy of Holies." If only we would merit to fulfill this mitzvah with such self-sacrifice.
The Promise of Tanna D'Vei Eliyahu
The mitzvah of honoring one's father and mother is the most difficult mitzvah, because a person is required at every moment to overturn his natural instincts. At any given moment he is called to help, and he must nullify his own will. Therefore, it carries the greatest reward, and it was established in the Ten Commandments.
"The Tanna D'Vei Eliyahu promises: If a child fulfills the honoring of his father and mother, I promise him that all of his sins will be forgiven and he will never stumble in any transgression again. He will have such Siyata Dishmaya (Heavenly assistance), and no sin will come to his hand."
The Torah juxtaposed the mitzvah of Shabbos to the honoring of parents ("Remember the Shabbos day... Honor your father and your mother"). Every single moment that a person fulfills the honoring of his father and mother, it is considered as if he is keeping the entire Shabbos at that very moment. Just as one who keeps Shabbos has all his sins forgiven, so too, through honoring parents, all of a person's transgressions are immediately forgiven. In this merit, may we merit the complete Geulah (Redemption) and Mashiach ben David, speedily in our days.
Part 3 of 4 — Lesson No. 41