The Depth of the Mitzvah of Honoring Parents: The Secret of Dama ben Netina's Red Heifer

Lesson No. 41 | * Lessons at the Tziyon of the Holy Rebbe in Uman, 26 Elul 5755. * Tzom Gedaliah 5756.

The mitzvah of honoring one's father and mother is among the most difficult and exalted. Through the way Dama ben Netina withstood his test, the spiritual secret behind his reward is explained, as well as how devotion to this mitzvah is equivalent to keeping Shabbos and cleanses a person from all sin.

Sometimes a mother takes something from a child, breaks it, and he becomes angry with her. But the Gemara relates about Rav Yosef, that when he would hear his mother's footsteps approaching, he would say to his students: "The Shechinah (Divine Presence) is coming, we must run to the Shechinah." He didn't just call her "mother," he called her "Shechinah"—because a mother is the Shechinah.

The Test of Dama ben Netina

The Gemara tells of a stone that was lost from the Choshen (Breastplate) and the Efod of the Kohen Gadol during the time of the Second Temple. A stone that was worth six hundred thousand golden dinars. The Kohen Gadol would walk with precious stones that shone like the light of the sun, to the point that once a Greek climbed a tall tower to look out over the Azarah (Temple courtyard), and he described in a letter that he saw a literal walking sun, because the diamonds illuminated the entire world.

The Sages went to Ashkelon, to a non-Jew named Dama ben Netina, who had diamonds. They wanted to buy a stone from him for the Efod and the Choshen and offered him enormous sums—eighty myriads, a hundred myriads of golden dinars, unimaginable amounts. But the key to the chest was placed under the head of his sleeping father. Dama said to them: "I will not wake my father. My father is sleeping, my mother is sleeping, I will not wake them. Even if you offer me a billion dollars right now, I will not wake them."

The Secret of the Reward: A Red Heifer Against the Accusation

In the merit of withstanding this test, the following year Hashem gave him his reward, and a Parah Adumah (Red Heifer) was born in his herd. The Sages returned to him and were willing to pay him any amount he wanted, but he only asked for the exact amount he had lost the previous year for the sake of honoring his father.

It is explained that Hashem wanted to show something profound here. When a non-Jew fulfills a mitzvah, an accusation is immediately created against the Jewish people. As Rabbi Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev said when he saw the Arabs in Tashkent covered from head to toe in modesty, that this truly arouses an accusation against Israel. To nullify the accusation created by that non-Jew fulfilling honoring of parents in such a way, Hashem answered two questions with one answer.

He both gave the non-Jew his reward in this world so that no reward would remain for him in the World to Come, and He also showed all the accusing angels something tremendous: The non-Jew is willing to lose a vast fortune for a rational mitzvah like honoring parents, but the Jewish people are willing to pay many times more for a Parah Adumah—a mitzvah that is above all intellect, knowledge, and understanding. This is the immense emunah (faith) of the Jewish people.

Learning Good Traits

Rabbi Tzadok HaKohen of Lublin says that there are seventy nations, and every nation has a good trait and a bad trait. Our task is to sift and take the good traits from the nations of the world, to learn manners and composure from them. Rav Dimi relates how far Dama ben Netina went in honoring his mother, so that we may learn from it:

Once he was sitting among the great men of Rome, dressed in a prestigious golden cloak. His mother became angry with him, entered the gathering, tore his clothes, struck him on the head with a sandal, and even spat in his face in front of everyone. And he? He sat quietly like a good child. "Whatever you want, do to me, tear my clothes, spit in my face, hit me on the head with a sandal—it is all the holy of holies." If only we would merit to fulfill the mitzvah with such self-sacrifice.

The Promise of Tanna D'Vei Eliyahu

The mitzvah of honoring one's father and mother is the most difficult mitzvah, because a person is required at every moment to overturn his nature. Every moment they call him to help, and he must nullify his own will. Therefore, it carries the greatest reward, and it was established in the Ten Commandments.

"The Tanna D'Vei Eliyahu promises: If a child fulfills honoring his father and mother, I promise him that all his sins will be forgiven, and he will not stumble in any transgression again. He will have such Siyata Dishmaya (Heavenly assistance), and no sin will come to his hand."

The Torah juxtaposed the mitzvah of Shabbos to honoring parents ("Remember the Shabbos day... Honor your father and your mother"). Every single moment that a person fulfills honoring his father and mother, it is considered as if he is keeping the entire Shabbos at that moment. Just as one who keeps Shabbos has all his sins forgiven, so too, through honoring parents, all of a person's transgressions are immediately forgiven, and in this merit, we will merit the complete Geulah (Redemption) and Mashiach ben David speedily in our days.

Part 3 of 4 — Lesson No. 41

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