The Power of Mesirus Nefesh for Torah: The Secret of the Tanna'im and Amora'im

Shiur No. 252 | Cassette 252, Thursday night, Parashas Devarim, the eve of the 3rd of Av 5760 - A shiur for the avreichim (married Torah students) of the Old City Kollel, at the home of the Rav - Part 1

A fascinating ma'amar (discourse) from Rabbi Berland shlit"a about the tremendous mesirus nefesh (self-sacrifice) of the Tanna'im and Amora'im for Torah study. Through the stories of Rashbi (Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai), Rabbi Akiva, and the great leaders of Israel, the proper balance is clarified between the mitzvah of "rejoicing one's wife" and absolute immersion in study, as well as the immense merit reserved for one who sacrifices his soul for the Torah.

People sometimes ask, what about the mitzvah of "rejoicing one's wife" during the first year of marriage? Does it mean that one must call his wife every single minute? If we were to interpret the mitzvah of "rejoicing" in this way, a person would have to tie himself to the legs of the bed with handcuffs and ropes so as not to move from the entrance of the house, lest he transgress a positive commandment that is weighed against the entire Torah.

But the truth is, the mitzvah of "rejoicing" does not mean sitting at home and rotting away. The true meaning of "rejoicing" is to behave with derech eretz (proper courtesy and respect): not to throw a shoe at her head, not to spit in her face, and not to call her foolish. "Rejoicing" means telling her, "You are wise, you are understanding," and speaking to the point when coming home.

Rabbah's Sword and the Early Return

The Gemara tells the story of Rabbah and his son Rav Yosef. Rabbah instructed his son to go learn in the yeshiva for six consecutive years without seeing his home. However, after three years, Rav Yosef decided to return home for the seudah hamafsekes (the final meal before the fast) on the eve of Yom Kippur. He thought that perhaps his wife was worried and sad, and he wanted to fulfill the mitzvos of "rejoicing" and "loving your fellow as yourself."

When Rabbah heard that his son was arriving from the yeshiva, he went out to meet him armed with weaponry—a sword and a spear. Rashi emphasizes that this was not just a simple stick or a hoe, but actual weapons, as he received in the tradition. Rabbah stood at the entrance of the city with a drawn sword.

Rav Yosef was astonished: "Why are you standing before me with a sword? Am I the donkey of Bilaam?" His father answered him: "Sir, we agreed on six years! Why did you suddenly miss your wife? What is this anxiety that has fallen upon you?"

They began to argue and debate in Halachah, bringing proofs from the holy books, until sunset arrived and they had to run to "Kol Nidrei" without eating the seudah hamafsekes. The Gemara speaks there with great severity about leaving one's Torah study, to the point that Rabbi Eliyahu Lopian zt"l would expound upon this before us as preparation for a wedding, in order to illustrate the severity of bitul Torah (wasting time from Torah study).

Thirteen Years in Bnei Brak

The Gemara in Kesubos and the Midrash in Parashas Acharei Mos tell of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai and Rabbi Chanina ben Chachinai. Both of them got married within a few days of each other. Rashbi asked Rabbi Chanina, "Wait for me for two days and we will go to the yeshiva together." To which yeshiva did they go? To the yeshiva of Rabbi Akiva in Bnei Brak. Even the great Rashbi went to study Torah in Bnei Brak.

But Rabbi Chanina ben Chachinai did not agree to wait even a single day. As soon as the seven days of the wedding feast concluded, he set out on his way. Both of them stayed in Bnei Brak for thirteen consecutive years, without returning home and without seeing their families.

"One who walks on the road and interrupts his study, and turns his heart to idleness, is liable for his life"

Throughout all those years, Rashbi would send letters to his home, but Rabbi Chanina ben Chachinai neither sent nor read any letters. His wife sent him letters that his daughter had grown up and reached the age of twelve, but he did not open them. Rabbi Akiva, who saw this with ruach hakodesh (divine inspiration), stopped in the middle of the shiur and announced: "Whoever has a twelve-year-old daughter should go to his home to marry her off."

Rabbi Chanina understood that the intention was directed at him. He took permission and returned to his city. After thirteen years, the paths and roads had changed, and he did not know the way to his house. He went to the water well and heard the girls calling out: "Daughter of Chachinai, fill your pitcher!" Thus, he followed her until he reached his home.

He entered the house suddenly. His wife, out of sheer astonishment, her soul departed (she passed away from shock). Immediately, Rabbi Chanina prayed for her: "Master of the Universe, this poor woman, is this her reward?" And immediately her soul returned to her body. From this, Chazal (our Sages) learned regarding the verse "And he shall not come at all times into the Sanctuary" – even into your own home, do not enter suddenly. Give a knock on the door, so as not to startle the members of the household.

A Crooked Thing That Cannot Be Made Straight

The Midrash in Koheles brings a similar story about Rabbi Yehudah and Rabbi Elazar. Rabbi Elazar preceded Rabbi Yehudah in completing his seven days of the wedding feast, and Rabbi Yehudah asked him to wait for him, but he refused.

Because of those few days in which Rabbi Elazar preceded him in study, Rabbi Yehudah was never able to close the gap. They learned at a tremendous pace of twenty hours a day, without a moment of rest.

"A crooked thing cannot be made straight, and a lack cannot be counted"

Regarding this, the verse says, "Till I swallow my spittle" (Job 7:19) – a person will be held accountable even for the time it takes to swallow their spittle. When a person is truly bound to the Torah, they do not even have time to swallow their spittle. A day that you neglected the Torah, you will never be able to make up.

The Experiment at Shuvu Banim Yeshiva

When we opened the "Shuvu Banim" yeshiva in the Old City, we tried to implement a similar practice. We decided that the avreichim (married yeshiva students) would remain in the yeshiva continuously from Motzaei Shabbos (Saturday night) until candle lighting on Erev Shabbos (Friday evening).

All the wives happily agreed to this. They were pure and God-fearing, and wanted to see their husbands growing in Torah. But what actually happened? On Sunday morning, everyone arrived with sandwiches, and after only six hours – everyone fled home!

One missed his cake, the second his bed, the third his cola, and another just felt homesick. No one lasted even until the Minchah prayer. The wives went crazy and asked, "Why did you come back?"

The obstacle to toiling in Torah does not come from the wife. There is no wife who would hold her husband back from learning. Women stood here and cried for us to take their husbands out of the house so they would sit and learn. The difficulty is always on the part of the husband himself.

The Reward of Mesiras Nefesh (Self-Sacrifice)

In contrast to Rabbi Chanina ben Chachinai, Rabbi Chama bar Bisa acted differently. He too went to learn for twelve years after his chuppah (wedding canopy), and during this time, a son was born to him. When he arrived in his city, he did not immediately enter his home; instead, he sat down in the Beis Midrash (study hall) and sent a messenger to inform his wife that he had arrived.

While he was waiting, a boy of about twelve approached him and began to converse with him in learning. Rabbi Chama saw that the boy was a genius and a greater scholar than himself, and he felt regret: "It is a pity I did not stay home; I would have educated my own son to be like this."

When he finally arrived at his home, that same boy suddenly entered. Rabbi Chama stood up before him out of immense respect for his Torah. The members of the household said to him, "Where have we ever seen a father stand up before his son?" Then he realized that this was his son. When a person learns Torah with such *mesiras nefesh* (self-sacrifice), he merits that his son will be an even greater Torah scholar than himself.

This was also the case with Rabbi Akiva. After twelve years of learning Torah, he returned home and stood behind the door. He heard an old man taunting his wife: "What a wicked husband you have; he abandoned you for twelve years and left you as a living widow." His wife Rachel answered him: "For my part, let him sit and learn for another twelve years!" When Rabbi Akiva heard this, he turned around and went back to learn for another twelve years, knowing that this was his wife's true desire.

Part 2 of 2 — Lesson No. 252

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