The Secret of Haman

Lesson No. 84 | Motzaei Shabbos, 14th of Adar II, 5757 (the night of Purim for unwalled cities) - a lesson for the young men of the group.

The festival of Purim carries within it a danger of despair when a person discovers his own lowliness and sees within himself the root of Haman.

How did Mordechai and Esther merit to reach their tremendous spiritual level? Rebbe Nachman explains that they did not only do teshuvah (repentance) for their own sins, but also for the sins of their parents. The book "Shekel HaKodesh" explains the verse:

"And when her father and mother died"

This means that Queen Esther succeeded in putting to death and rectifying the sins of her father and mother, and through this, the holy Name of Hashem was engraved upon her.

The holy Arizal says that Esther and Mordechai were holy souls who came from a spiritual realm where there is absolutely no "shevirah" (shattering or spiritual breakage). All the shattering and blemish came only from their parents, but in their own right, their souls were completely perfect. On Purim, a tremendous light is revealed, the secret of the five supernal fingers of "Arich Anpin" (the Divine manifestation of ultimate mercy and will), about which it is said:

"My hands dripped with myrrh, and my fingers with flowing myrrh, upon the handles of the lock."

Therefore, the festival of Purim extends for five days, from the 11th to the 15th of Adar, corresponding to these five fingers, which represent the five Chasadim (loving-kindnesses) and five Gevuros (severities). During these days, the "Yesod of Atik" (the foundational channel of the most hidden, ancient Divine will) is revealed, passing through the "Yesod of Abba" (the channel of supernal wisdom) down to Rachel (the Shechinah, or Divine Presence), and this is the entire tremendous light of Purim.

The secret of converts and bringing Mashiach

Queen Esther came to bring tikkun (rectification), as she was a spark and reincarnation of Ruth the Moabite. Therefore, it is said in the Megillah: "And when the turn (tor) of Esther arrived" - the word "tor" (turn) shares the exact same letters as "Ruth". Similarly, in the verse: "Esther the daughter of his uncle (EstheR baT dodo)", the final letters of the words spell the name Ruth. Ruth was a convert, and in the merit of her self-sacrifice, she merited what no one else did - to bring the Davidic dynasty and the King Mashiach into the world. The King Mashiach will come specifically through those who perform the highest level of self-sacrifice, like converts who leave the homes of their father and mother.

Esther wanted to bring the King Mashiach, and therefore the word "k'das" (according to the law) is used in the Megillah. The word "k'das" has the exact numerical value (gematria) of 424, which is the same numerical value as "Mashiach ben David".

When a convert leaves his parents' home, the sins of his father and mother are atoned for him, and he emerges from all their impurities. But what should a Jewish person do who is not a convert? How can he escape the impurities of his parents? Through the secret of "And when her father and mother died" - he must put to death and rectify the sins of his father and mother, and in this way, he achieves the spiritual level of the convert who completely disconnects from the past.

Revealing the truth: "I myself am Haman"

On Purim, a person sees not only his own sins, but also the transgressions and blemishes from which he originated, and where he was born. The "Kedushas Yom Tov" says that on Purim, a person comes to a realization and sees where he truly stands. He sees all of his sins, and suddenly he grasps that he himself is Haman! He asks himself: Which Haman are we striking? After all, I am the root of all the Hamans, I myself am Haman, and there is no greater sinner than me.

Purim is the time when a person's true self is revealed to him. Sometimes there are people who seem arrogant to us because they tell us the truth right to our faces. But in reality, they are not arrogant; rather, they are messengers of Hashem, angels descending from heaven to tell a person who he truly is, and one should even pay them for this.

The danger of despair and the secret of wine

When a person merits to see the truth about himself on Purim, the "Kedushas Levi" explains, there is a great danger. The moment a person sees his own lowliness, his blemishes, and how far he is from emunah (faith), he is liable to fall into terrible despair. Specifically on Purim, he is in danger of falling into sadness due to the recognition of his true state.

For this reason, it is said: "Give strong drink to the one who is perishing (oved), and wine to those with bitter souls." Rashi, in Tractate Moed Katan, explains that the word "oved" refers to a wicked person. Why? Because the wicked person is in a state of terrible despair, and in order to bring him joy and pull him out of his despair, he must be given wine. On Purim, when a person sees how far away he is and what a "wicked person" he truly is, he must drink wine in order to elevate his consciousness and escape the despair. This is the secret behind the statement of our Sages: "A person is obligated to become intoxicated on Purim" - a person must get drunk so that he can hold himself together and not fall into sadness from the revelation of his own lowliness.

From "Cursed is Haman" to "Blessed is Mordechai"

After it becomes clear to a person that he is essentially Haman, that he is full of blemishes, flaws in the covenant, and flaws of the eyes, the wine helps him see the opposite picture. Out of his intoxication, he suddenly grasps: If I am such a wicked person and so far away, and yet I still come to pray, listen to the Megillah, go to the mikvah, and put on tefillin - there is no greater sanctification of Hashem's Name than this! Specifically because I am such a great sinner, the fact that I wake up in the morning, pray, and merit to fulfill mitzvos creates the most tremendous sanctification of Hashem's Name.

The Kedushas Yom Tov explains that this is the depth of "until one does not know the difference between 'cursed is Haman' and 'blessed is Mordechai'." A person comes to the realization that specifically through the "cursed is Haman" within him, a greater Kiddush Hashem (sanctification of God's Name) is made than through "blessed is Mordechai." Mordechai the Jew is a Tzaddik Yesod Olam, a soul from a world where there is no shattering, who never sinned and never tasted the taste of sin. But when a person who is "cursed is Haman," who is filled with sins and transgressions from head to toe, overcomes everything, comes to pray, and rejoices on Purim – this is the greatest Kiddush Hashem that can possibly be.

This is the secret of "until one does not know" – until a person knows that specifically because he sees himself as Haman, the Kiddush Hashem made through him is the greatest in the world. And through this joy and gladness, we will merit the revelation of Mashiach ben David speedily in our days.

Part 3 of 4 — Lesson No. 84

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