The Secret of Souls and Shidduchim: The Spiritual Work from the Engagement Period to the Chuppah
Lesson No. 121 | Motzaei Shabbos Kodesh Parashas Miketz, the eve of 29 Kislev, the 6th candle of Chanukah 5758 - to the yeshiva students
According to the esoteric teachings of Kabbalah, a couple is originally a single soul that was split as a result of the sin of the Tree of Knowledge. This article reveals the spiritual significance of the beauty of the Matriarchs, and explains why the engagement period is considered like Yom Kippur, during which a person can engrave their image upon the Throne of Glory.
According to the holy Arizal, as cited in Likutey Halachos and Sefer HaMiddos, souls have existed since the creation of the world. Every man and woman are essentially one single soul from before the world's creation. If not for the sin of the Tree of Knowledge, a couple would have been born together like a pair of doves, and that pair of doves would have remained together until the end of their lives.
Before the sin of the Tree of Knowledge, a couple would be born as brother and sister. Because the sin of the Tree of Knowledge occurred, a blemish was created in the process of birth and the descent of souls, and therefore today, each half of the couple must be born into a different family. But originally, without this blemish, they would have been born together and immediately known that this is their true shidduch (marriage match).
The Greatness of the Groom and the Secret of True Beauty
The Chasam Sofer writes that a groom on the day of his chuppah (wedding canopy) is on such a high spiritual level that he is considered like the tzaddik of the generation in his prayers. The author of the "Arugas HaBosem" adds to this and explains the immense greatness of the day of engagement, stating that its holiness is equal to the day of the chuppah itself.
The Torah tells us regarding Yaakov Avinu:
"And Yaakov worked for Rachel for seven years, and they seemed in his eyes as but a few days, in his love for her."
The question is asked: Why does the Torah emphasize that Rachel was "beautiful of form and beautiful of appearance"? After all, King Shlomo says in Mishlei (Proverbs):
"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain."
If so, why does the Torah tell us about the beauty of Sarah, Rivkah, and Rachel?
The answer is that the Torah is not coming to tell us about physical beauty, Heaven forbid. The word "to'ar" (form) has the same gematria (numerical value) as the names of the angels Metatron and Sandalfon. When the Torah says "beautiful of form," the intention is that the holy Matriarchs were imbued with the spiritual essence of angels. A person who merits this shines with the tremendous spiritual light of these angels.
The Test of Eliezer, the Servant of Avraham
When we contemplate the way the Patriarchs chose shidduchim (marriage matches), the matters seem wondrous to us. The Gemara in Tractate Taanis (4a) says that Eliezer, the servant of Avraham, made an improper request. He stood by the well and said:
"And let it come to pass, that the maiden to whom I shall say, 'Please let down your pitcher, that I may drink'; and she shall say, 'Drink, and I will give your camels drink also'; let her be the one that You have appointed for Your servant Yitzchak."
The Gemara asks: What kind of shidduch (marriage match) is this? After all, a maiden who was lame or blind could have come! Tosafos rules as a matter of halacha that Eliezer indeed made an improper request, and he should have investigated the shidduch thoroughly, lest she have a blemish. But regarding the Patriarchs and Matriarchs, their vision was completely spiritual, beyond all human comprehension.
The Engagement Period as Yom Kippur
The author of the "Arugas HaBosem" reveals a tremendous foundational concept: From the day of engagement until the day of the wedding, every single day is considered like Yom Kippur. This is the deep explanation of the verse, "and they seemed in his eyes as but a few days (yamim achadim)." What are "yamim achadim" (literally, "unified days")? Which is the special day of the year that encompasses all the days? This is Yom Kippur.
During this period between the engagement and the wedding, a person must do teshuvah (repentance), regretting their sins, the blemish of the eyes, and improper thoughts. Every day should be like Yom Kippur, going out to cry in the fields and weep to Hashem, may He be blessed.
The goal is to reach the spiritual level of Yaakov Avinu, who did such great teshuvah (repentance) that he merited to have his image engraved upon the Throne of Glory. In truth, every Jew is a soul that emanated from the Throne of Glory, and the image of each person is engraved there together with their soulmate. Through true teshuvah that reaches all the way to the Throne of Glory, a person cleanses and purifies themselves, until they reconnect to the root of their soul and to their image that is engraved Above for all eternity.
Part 1 of 2 — Lesson No. 121
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