The Secret of True Hisbodedus: The Destructive Power of Hurting a Fellow Jew

Class No. 12 | Friday, Parashas Bechukosai, 19 Iyar 5755 - At the Yeshiva (Continued from No. 11)

A piercing discourse on the severity of publicly shaming and hurting a friend, explaining how an insult is equivalent to continuous murder. Through stories from the great Chassidic masters and Chazal (the Sages), it is revealed that true Hisbodedus (personal prayer) is not just praying in the forest, but rather the ability to remain silent and accept humiliation with love.

A person who speaks poorly about his friend, about another Jew, must fast and do great teshuvah (repentance). It is told of the Chassid Rabbi Yaakov Zev Berezovsky, a man of immense mesirus nefesh (self-sacrifice) who walked on foot from Poland to Uman, and even ascended on foot to the Land of Israel through many countries. Once, a slip of the tongue escaped him regarding another Jew. He was unable to calm down. He did teshuvah with great awakening, recited Tehillim (Psalms), and even towards evening, he did not want to speak out of sheer sorrow. It was impossible to comfort him.

The friend who was hurt forgave him immediately. He told him, "It's fine, you said a word to me, I forgive you, we are friends." But Rabbi Yaakov Zev said, "He forgives me, but I do not forgive myself! How could I even say a word against a friend?" Such a thing he could not forgive himself for.

Hearing the Voice from Mount Sinai

He asked himself, as it is written in Parashas Vayikra:

"If a soul sins and hears the voice of an adjuration" (Vayikra 5:1).

How is it possible that a Jewish soul, which is a portion of God from above, could sin? After all, this soul heard the voice from Mount Sinai; it heard the commandment, "Love your fellow as yourself," which encompasses the entire Torah. If you do not like having a hurtful word said to you, do not say such a word to another. What is hateful to you, do not do to your friend—this is the entire Torah.

When that convert came to Hillel and asked to learn the entire Torah while standing on one foot, Hillel taught him this rule. Rabbi Tzadok HaKohen of Lublin writes that the souls of converts are the highest, and therefore the Torah had to be transmitted through Rabbi Akiva, who was the son of converts. Only a convert possesses true lowliness, humility, and genuine shame. A regular Jew sometimes lacks shame and might insult his friend, but it was Rabbi Akiva who expounded:

"Love your fellow as yourself—this is a great principle in the Torah."

The Destruction of Jerusalem Because of an Insult

Every person gets insulted when they are hurt. There is no such reality where a person does not get insulted. One cries, another is broken for a week, and yet another might fall into despair and stray from the path, God forbid, all because of a single word said to him. Our physical body falls easily.

Look at what happened in the story of Kamtza and Bar Kamtza. Bar Kamtza arrived at a seudah (festive meal), and when they insulted him and chased him away, he went and handed all of Jerusalem over to the Caesar. For a single insult, he destroyed the city! Before that, he was willing to forgo his honor, offering to pay for the entire meal, presenting himself as a man of peace who does not insist on his honor. But the moment he suffered a slight offense, he was ready to burn all the Jews. This is the nature of a simple person—the moment his honor is hurt, he loses everything. We are all simple people who are prone to being insulted and insulting others, and therefore we must be exceedingly careful with the honor of every person.

The True Test of Hisbodedus

Rabbi Avraham ben Rabbi Nachman once said regarding two people who were engaged in a dispute, that neither of them practices Hisbodedus. Why? Because true Hisbodedus means that I am insulted and I remain silent. Only this is called Hisbodedus.

If you are capable of speaking against another, even if he started it and hurt you, you have not done any Hisbodedus. To accept humiliation with joy, to not utter a single word against the other—this is the true spiritual work of Hisbodedus. Saying Tehillim in a room or walking in the mountains is good, but even non-Jews meditate in the mountains. The true test is that no one hurts another or utters a bad word about his friend.

An Insult is Continuous Murder

We must know that hurting a friend is something that is not easily forgiven. A person who insults someone must realize that the other will not forgive him so quickly, perhaps only at the Resurrection of the Dead.

Rabbi Nasan of Breslov prays in "Likutey Tefilos" and asks Hashem to provide him with an opportunity to appease a person he has hurt. He asks that Hashem orchestrate circumstances—that they travel together, that the friend feels unwell and he cares for him, or that he invites him for a meal when he has nothing to eat. Only through such mesirus nefesh (self-sacrifice), after many orchestrated events, can one truly remove the grievance from the other person and merit complete forgiveness.

Chazal say that one who publicly shames his friend has no portion in the World to Come. This is a sin more severe than forbidden relations or bloodshed. Why? Because when you murder a person, you kill him once. But when you insult a person, he remembers it his entire life. Every time he recalls the insult, it is like a sword piercing his heart. He cannot learn, he cannot pray, his breath stops. You insulted him once, but you have killed him countless times over the course of his hundred years of life.

Therefore, Rabbi Yaakov Zev could not calm down from that slip of the tongue. He understood the terrible secret of hurting a fellow Jew. Our spiritual work is to turn a blind eye, to never insult, and to remember that every Jew stood at Mount Sinai and heard the holy commandment of Ahavas Yisrael (love for a fellow Jew).

Part 1 of 3 — Class No. 12

Next Part ←

All Parts: Part 1 (Current) | Part 2 | Part 3