The Secret of True Hisbodedus: The Destructive Power of Hurting a Fellow Jew

Lesson No. 12 | * Friday, Parashas Bechukosai, 19 Iyar 5755 - At the Yeshiva (Continued from No. 11)

A piercing discourse on the severity of publicly shaming and hurting a friend, explaining how an insult is equivalent to continuous murder. Through stories from the great Chassidic masters and Chazal (the Sages), it is revealed that true Hisbodedus is not merely praying in the forest, but rather the ability to remain silent and accept humiliation with love.

A person who speaks ill of his friend, of another Jew, must fast and do great teshuvah (repentance). It is told of the Chassid Rabbi Yaakov Zev Berezovsky, a man of profound self-sacrifice who walked on foot from Poland to Uman, and even ascended on foot to the Land of Israel through many countries. Once, a slip of the tongue escaped him regarding another Jew. He could not calm down. He did teshuvah with great awakening, recited Tehillim (Psalms), and even towards evening refused to speak out of sheer sorrow. He could not be comforted.

The friend who was hurt forgave him immediately. He told him: "It's fine, you said a word to me, I forgive you, we are friends." But Rabbi Yaakov Zev said: "He forgives me, but I do not forgive myself! How could I possibly say a word about a friend?" Such a thing he could not forgive himself for.

Hearing the Voice from Mount Sinai

He asked himself, as it is written in Parashas Vayikra:

"If a soul sins, and hears the voice of an adjuration..." (Vayikra 5:1).

How is it possible that a Jewish soul, which is a portion of God from above, could sin? After all, this soul heard the voice from Mount Sinai; it heard the commandment "Love your fellow as yourself," which encompasses the entire Torah. If you do not like having a hurtful word said to you, do not say such a word to another. What is hateful to you, do not do to your friend—this is the entire Torah.

When that convert came to Hillel and asked to learn the entire Torah while standing on one foot, Hillel taught him this rule. Rabbi Tzadok HaKohen of Lublin writes that the souls of converts are the highest, and therefore the Torah had to be transmitted through Rabbi Akiva, who was a descendant of converts. Only a convert possesses true lowliness, humility, and genuine shame. A regular Jew sometimes lacks shame and might insult his friend, but it was Rabbi Akiva who expounded:

"Love your fellow as yourself—this is a great principle in the Torah."

The Destruction of Jerusalem Because of an Insult

Every person feels insulted when they are hurt. There is no such reality where a person does not get insulted. One cries, another is broken for a week, and yet another might fall into despair and distance himself from the path, Heaven forbid, because of a single word said to him. Our physical body falls easily.

Look at what happened in the story of Kamtza and Bar Kamtza. Bar Kamtza arrived at a seudah (festive meal), and when they insulted him and chased him away, he went and handed all of Jerusalem over to the Emperor. For a single insult, he destroyed the city! Before that, he was willing to forgo his honor, offered to pay for the entire meal, and presented himself as a man of peace who does not insist on his honor. But the moment they inflicted a slight injury upon him, he was ready to burn all the Jews. This is the nature of a simple person—the moment his honor is hurt, he loses everything. We are all simple people who are liable to be insulted and to insult others, and therefore we must be careful with the honor of every person.

The True Test of Hisbodedus

Rabbi Avraham ben Rabbi Nachman once said about two people who had a dispute between them, that neither of them practices Hisbodedus. Why? Because true Hisbodedus means that they insult me and I remain silent. Only this is called Hisbodedus.

If you are capable of speaking about the other person, even if he started it and hurt you, you have not done any Hisbodedus. To accept humiliation with joy, to not utter a word against the other—this is the true work of Hisbodedus. Saying Tehillim in a room or walking in the mountains is good, but even non-Jews meditate in the mountains. The true test is that no one hurts another or utters a bad word about his friend.

An Insult is Continuous Murder

We must know that hurting a friend is something that is not easily forgiven. A person who insulted someone must know that the other will not forgive him so quickly, perhaps only at the Resurrection of the Dead.

Rabbi Nasan of Breslov prays in "Likutey Tefilos" and asks Hashem to provide him with an opportunity to appease a person he has hurt. He asks that Hashem orchestrate circumstances—that they travel together, that the friend feels unwell and he cares for him, or that he invites him for a meal when he has nothing to eat. Only through such self-sacrifice, after many orchestrations, can one truly remove the strict judgment from the other and merit complete forgiveness.

Chazal say that one who publicly shames his friend has no share in the World to Come. This is a sin more severe than forbidden relations or bloodshed. Why? Because when you murder a person, you kill him once. But when you insult a person, he remembers it his entire life. Every time he recalls the insult, it is like a sword piercing his heart. He cannot learn, he cannot pray, his breath stops. You insulted him once, but you murdered him countless times over the course of his hundred years of life.

Therefore, Rabbi Yaakov Zev could not find peace after that slip of the tongue. He understood the profound and terrible spiritual consequence of hurting a fellow Jew. Our spiritual work is to turn a blind eye to the faults of others, to never insult anyone, and to remember that every Jew stood at Mount Sinai and heard the holy commandment of Ahavas Yisrael (loving a fellow Jew).

Part 1 of 3 — Lesson No. 12

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