The Secret of Marriage: The Greatness of the Woman and the Elevation of the Bride and Groom to the Supernal Worlds

Class No. 228 | Cassette No. 228, Motzaei Shabbos Kodesh (Saturday night), Parashas Vayigash, the eve of the 10th of Teves 5760 - the Yahrtzeit (anniversary of passing) of Moharnat zy"a (our teacher Rabbi Nosson of Breslov, may his merit protect us).

Practical and spiritual guidance for marriage according to the holy Zohar. Why the wisdom of the woman is greater than the wisdom of the man, and how the bride and groom ascend together above the four spiritual worlds at the moment of the Chuppah (marriage canopy) in order to draw down holy souls.

A man who takes a bride must begin to sweeten her with words and praises. He must recite poetry to her and sing her songs of praise all day long. The holy Zohar says that if a person does not know these rules—how to appease, how to speak beautiful words, and how to sing songs in the home—it is better that he does not get married. He must act in this way so that there will always be a true, mutual desire between them.

The True Reality of Married Life

The Zohar explains the verse, "And he lodged there because the sun had set" (Bereishis 28:11). Even if a person has a golden bed and golden garments, if his wife tells him to give the bed to her father or her brother because they are not feeling well, and she prepares a bed of stones and straw for him—he must leave the golden bed and lie on the stones. This is what the Torah teaches us about Yaakov Avinu (our Patriarch Jacob): "And he lay down in that place."

A person might think that a wedding means a house with good beds, beautiful furniture, and a warm corner. He thinks everything is a bed of roses. But the reality is the opposite—he is subjugating himself. He must know that the eve of Pesach (Passover) will arrive, and his wife will tell him that the room is closed because she cleaned it, and he will have to take a mattress and lie down in some corner.

Therefore, a person must know how to speak. He must always say to his wife: "This time, it is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh" (Bereishis 2:23). The Zohar says that this is how a person must speak at every moment in the home, with words of affection and love, to show that they are one, a single soul. The man represents the aspect of Chochmah (Divine Wisdom), and the woman represents the aspect of Binah (Divine Understanding).

The Wisdom of the Woman is Infinitely Great

Regarding this, the Eitz Chaim (a primary text of Kabbalah) states that the wisdom of the woman is infinitely greater than the wisdom of the man. Although she represents the Sefirah (Divine emanation) of Binah, Hashem gave her an "extra measure of understanding" (Binah Yeseirah), and with this understanding, she sees an infinite number of things that the man cannot see.

We saw this with the holy Matriarchs: Sarah saw that Yishmael was shooting arrows (acting wickedly), while Avraham found it difficult to believe. Rivkah saw that Esav could not be blessed. The Midrash says that she decided to go to Yitzchak and tell him that Esav is wicked and Yaakov is a tzaddik, and there is no reason to bless Esav, while Yitzchak thought that Esav needed to be brought to teshuvah (repentance).

Leah also said, "See the difference between my son and the son of my father-in-law." Leah already saw on the day of his birth that Reuven was destined to save Yosef. If Yaakov had known that Yosef would be sold because of the striped coat, he would not have made it. Leah saw the future and did not say a word; she just saw that they would throw Yosef into the pit and Reuven would save him.

Elevating the Woman in All the Journeys

The Zohar explains that the letter Yud of Hashem's Name hints at the fact that the Mother (the supernal source of Binah) is infinitely greater than the Father (Chochmah). Therefore, a person must always praise his wife and tell her that she is the most perfect woman in the world. She is the perfection of everything, embodying the verse, "Many daughters have done valiantly, but you excel them all" (Mishlei 31:29).

This was the spiritual level of Avraham Avinu, about whom it is said, "And he went on his journeys" (Bereishis 13:3). The Zohar asks: Can a person really take his wife on all his journeys? The answer is that in all of his spiritual ascents, Avraham would elevate his wife along with him. If a person does not elevate the Sefirah of Malchus (Kingship, representing the feminine aspect) and the Sefirah of Yesod (Foundation), he cannot attain any spiritual comprehension in the world.

The Ascent of the Bride and Groom Above the Four Worlds

The unification of a bride and groom in its supernal root is higher than high, to the point where no thought can grasp it at all. The bride and groom ascend above the four spiritual worlds in order to draw down a Jewish soul.

The Megaleh Amukos explains that at the moment of the Chuppah, the bride and groom ascend to the heavenly realm of Shechakim. Afterward, every time the Sheva Brachos (Seven Benedictions) are recited, they ascend to Ma'on. That is why we bless, "in Whose abode (b'me'ono) is joy." From there, they continue to ascend to Machon, and from Machon to Aravos, in the mystical secret of the verse, "Extol Him who rides upon the Aravos (the highest heavens), whose Name is Yah" (Tehillim 68:5).

After the bride and groom merit to ascend from Shechakim to Ma'on, from Ma'on to Machon, and from Machon to Aravos, they reach a place that is above Aravos. The holy Zohar says that above the Aravos is the river that flows out of Eden.

This river drips a new drop every fifteen minutes. Why? Because the four-letter Name of Hashem (Havayah) permutes every fifteen minutes, and a different letter of the four letters shines forth. Every time the illumination of a letter begins, a drop falls from the river that flows out of Eden into this world. From there come all the hidden treasures—treasures of life, blessing, and peace—so that the bride and groom will merit to draw down holy souls into the world.

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