The Secret of Survival in the Sea of Life: Bowing One's Head Before the Wave

Lesson No. 6 | Monday, Parshas Behar, 8th of Iyar 5755 (1995). Continued from No. 5.

How does one survive the storms of life, the humiliations, and the difficulties? According to the teachings of Rabbi Akiva, the secret lies in the ability to 'nod one's head' to every wave that arrives, to let go of the ego, and to allow the waves themselves to lead us to the safe shore.

I Nodded My Head to It

The Gemara (Talmud) tells of Rabbi Akiva, whose ship was once wrecked at sea. It seemed as though he had drowned, but ultimately he emerged safely from the sea. When they asked him how he was saved, he replied to them: "A plank of the ship came my way, and every single wave that came upon me—I nodded my head to it."

This is a massive foundation in a person's conduct in this world. Life is full of waves, crises, and trials that threaten to drown a person. The secret is not to fight the wave with force, but to know how to bend. A person only needs to bend a little; he does not need to give up his spiritual principles or the things that are truly important, but rather to give up his pride, his "I."

When a wave comes—and then another wave comes to you, and another wave—lower your head. What does this mean in practice? When a person comes to you with complaints, shames you, or hurls accusations at you: "You are wicked, you are a criminal, you are an apikorus (heretic), you are a min (apostate)." The natural reaction is to fight back, to justify oneself. But Rabbi Akiva's advice is entirely different: Agree with him. Tell him: "It's fine, you are right. I am an apikorus, I am a min, and you are the tzaddik, you are G-d, you are Mashiach ben David."

Why do you care to see a Jew happy? Let him be satisfied. You continue your principle, continue to wake up for Chatzos (the midnight prayer), do an hour of Hisbodedus (secluded prayer), and serve Hashem with prayer, song, and dancing.

Not Fighting Reality

The Sages said that wicked people will come and say to a person, "You are such and such," they will accuse him of theft, they will say to him, "You stole the building." Even if you didn't steal anything, and the building stands in its place and everything is yours honestly—do not argue. If a person builds a synagogue, it belongs to all of the People of Israel; he has no private ownership over the synagogue. So let them come and say what they will.

The rule is: "When the wicked come upon a person—I nodded my head to them." We follow the path of lowering the head. We do not need to give up even a single point in the service of Hashem, but in the face of other people—lower your head. Let the wave pass.

The Art of Floating on the Water

The Gemara continues and tells a similar story about Rabbi Meir. Rabban Gamliel told Rabbi Akiva that he saw a ship wrecked at sea and was very distressed over a Torah scholar who was on it, and who was it? Rabbi Meir. But after some time, he saw Rabbi Meir sitting and discussing Halacha (Jewish law) before him. He asked him: "My son, who brought you up?" Rabbi Meir replied to him: "One wave tossed me to its fellow, and its fellow to its fellow, until it spat me out onto the dry land."

Rabbi Akiva was saved in the merit of a plank of a ship, but Rabbi Meir found nothing. He simply lay on his back. A person needs to know how to float on his back. In a case of drowning, Heaven forbid, when there are terrible storms, the secret is not to struggle against the water but to float, to let go.

The waves themselves push the person to the shore. If the person knows how to swim and float, the wave that seems like it is coming to drown him—is the very thing that pushes him toward the shore.

This is the depth of the matter of "mayim she'ein lahem sof" (waters that have no end). When a person is inside the great sea, in the ocean of life, he does not see the end. He does not see the salvation. But if he knows the secret of "one wave tossing to its fellow," he understands that everything he goes through is just waves that move him from place to place until the Geulah (Redemption).

The Waves Lead to the Destination

It is told of an English sailor who was washed off the deck in the Pacific Ocean by a giant wave. His friends were certain he was lost; they sat 'shiva' (the seven-day mourning period) for him and mourned. And behold, exactly on the one-year anniversary, on the yahrtzeit (anniversary of passing), he suddenly appeared. Everyone thought it was a ghost, but it turned out that he managed to hold on for 24 hours in the freezing waters of the ocean simply by floating, until a ship picked him up.

These stories teach us a massive moral lesson for life. Sometimes it seems to a person that he is drowning, that troubles are washing over him. He sees no way out ("waters that have no end"). But just as Rabbi Meir asked to be buried on the seashore and said, "Place me on the seashore, I will eventually reach Tiberias," and the waves indeed did their part—so too in spiritual life.

One does not need to do anything by force. Study Torah, pray, do Hisbodedus (secluded prayer)—and the waves will already push you to the right place.

A person only needs to know not to resist Hashem's leadership, to accept the waves with submission and Emunah (faith), and in this way, specifically those difficulties are the ones that will bring him to the dry land, to the safe shore.

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