The Secret of the Connection Between Husband and Wife: The Power of the Tzaddik to Connect Opposites
Lesson No. 201 | Motzaei Shabbos Kodesh Parashas Eikev, the eve of 19 Menachem Av 5759 - Sheva Brachos (seven wedding blessings) at the Old Beis Yaakov
A husband and wife possess two completely opposite minds, and the only way to connect them is through the Da'as (holy knowledge) of the tzaddik. This article reveals the secret of the "Chair of Fire" that Rebbe Nachman of Breslov saw, and explains how Torah study grants a person the tools to build true shalom bayis (marital peace).
I heard from Rebbe Nachman zt"l that in the days of Avraham Avinu, the Shechinah (Divine Presence) was called by the name Sarah. A groom and bride represent the unification of the Holy One, Blessed be He, and His Shechinah. In the days of Yitzchak, the Shechinah was called by the name Rivkah, and in the days of Yaakov, by the names Rachel and Leah. The man represents the inner point, the letter Yud within the word "Bereishis," while the woman is the letter Beis, representing the bayis (home). Yitzchak is the inner point that is not seen at all; he sits and studies Torah in the kollel and then at home, knowing no path other than the one from his home to the Beis Midrash.
This is the secret of husband and wife—the Written Torah and the Oral Torah. Moharnat (Rebbe Natan of Breslov) explains in Likutey Halachos (Yibum 3) that husband and wife are the Written Torah and the Oral Torah. In truth, there is only a connection of souls here, because we only received physical bodies after the sin of the Tree of Knowledge. The woman is called Emunah (faith), the aspect of the Oral Torah, as it is written:
"Come, look from the top of Amana"
A man receives his Emunah through his wife, and the intellect of the man serves as the vessel for this faith.
Two Opposite Minds
Since husband and wife are different spiritual aspects, there cannot be a true connection between them except through the true tzaddik. A husband and wife possess two minds that are the exact opposites of one another. During the first week of marriage, they might not see this, but slowly they discover that they are two opposites. It is impossible to connect these minds except through the true tzaddik, who connects all minds and even things that are completely opposite.
To maintain shalom bayis, one needs a tremendous amount of Da'as. Da'as means studying the Gemara and studying the Shulchan Aruch. If there is no Da'as, there is no shalom bayis. All shidduchim (marriage matches) are a connection of two opposites, and therefore they require a special Da'as, a new Da'as every single day. The Brisker Rav said regarding kiddushin (betrothal) that it takes effect once for an entire lifetime, but the truth is that it is a miracle that occurs anew every single day. And every day, a completely new Da'as is needed to connect these two opposites, and this is received only through the study of Torah.
The Chair of Fire of Shidduchim
Therefore, all the shidduchim in the world are made by the master of Da'as of the generation. With our holy Rebbe Nachman is the chair upon which all the shidduchim in the world are engraved. They once asked the Rebbe, "What is your parnassah (livelihood)?" and he replied, "I will be a matchmaker." To this day, all the shidduchim in the world are made by the Rebbe, and whoever believes in him will certainly find his true shidduch.
Rebbe Nachman related that he saw in a dream vision (in the year 5769/1809) that they brought him a chair of blazing fire. Around every groom and bride blazes a fire, the fire from the Giving of the Torah, because the voice of a groom and bride is the aspect of the Giving of the Torah and the Tablets. If we were worthy, we would see a blazing fire around them right now. The entire world—men, women, and children—went to see this wondrous chair. And as soon as they returned from there, everyone recognized their soulmate. They immediately connected with one another, and shidduchim were made.
Rebbe Nachman said that when he gazed at the chair, he saw that the forms of all the creations of the world until the end of generations were engraved there, and each one was engraved with their soulmate. Suddenly, a novel insight flashed in his mind: The words "Karsayeih Shvivin Di Nur" (His throne was sparks of fire) form the acronym Shadchan (matchmaker). Through this chair, shidduchim are made, and a new unification is created in all the worlds.
The Torah as the Connecting Force
Sometimes the two individuals meant for each other are very far apart, two complete opposites, and it is very difficult to find the match or to connect them. The tikkun (rectification) for this is to come to a master of Da'as and hear Torah from his mouth. Through the Torah of the tzaddik, all minds are connected.
The Torah itself is composed of two opposites and is full of apparent contradictions. For example, in one place it is written in the Torah:
"Seven days you shall eat matzos"
And in another place it is written:
"Six days you shall eat matzos"
Our Sages resolve and connect these verses to teach us tremendous halachos. Just as the Torah itself consists of two opposites, so too are a husband and wife two completely opposite minds. Who can resolve and connect these minds? Only the tzaddik!
When the tzaddik teaches Torah, he is essentially making shidduchim (marriage matches). He connects words of Torah from scattered and distant places, creating novel insights and resolving them. In this way, he gives a man the intellect and da'as (spiritual awareness) to understand and bear with his wife. By hearing Torah from the tzaddik, a person can come home with mochin (expanded consciousness), with a desire to learn, and illuminate his wife as well.
The Secret of the Word Shidduch
And this is the secret of the word "shidduch". The verse states:
"For the lips of a Kohen should safeguard knowledge, and people should seek teaching from his mouth" (Malachi 2:7).
The first letters of these words in Hebrew hint at the word shidduch. One must seek and hear the Torah from the mouth of the tzaddik in order to bring this da'as from potential into actuality.
When a person expresses the sweetness of the intellect through speech, when he learns at home aloud and with enthusiasm, the wife receives chiyus (vitality) from this. All of a wife's vitality stems from her husband learning Torah with vigor and desire. Therefore, the advice for every Jewish home is to bind oneself to the da'as of the tzaddik, to hear Torah from his mouth, and through this to merit true shalom bayis (marital harmony) and a complete connection between two opposites.
Part 1 of 3 — Lesson No. 201