The Secret of True Rebuke: Why Yelling is Not Considered Rebuke?

Class No. 159 | Motzaei Shabbos Kodesh (the night after the holy Sabbath), Parashas Noach, the eve of the 5th of Cheshvan 5759

Many people tend to think that rebuke and education must be done with strictness and yelling. By comparing the path of Noach to the path of Avraham Avinu (our Patriarch), a profound foundation in the teachings of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov is revealed: true rebuke is only accomplished through drawing people close, with a welcoming countenance, and with joy.

A person must know that one day, people might come and tell him that his child is behaving improperly outside. The parent immediately cries out, "Why? My child is the best! There is no child as good as him!" In your home, he truly looks good—he drinks cola, eats sweets, and sleeps well. But when he goes outside, he might connect with a bad crowd.

I ask fathers: Do you sit and talk with your child? The child goes out into society and knows nothing about Parashas Noach; he does not know that there was an Adam and Chava (Eve). Perhaps he knows how to identify different types of cars outside, but he is not well-versed in the weekly Torah portion. Instead of parents cooperating with the educators, they often cover up for the child and claim that it is "just a false accusation" or an "ayin hara (evil eye)."

The correct way is to sit with the children. From Parashas Bereishis until Parashas Mishpatim, everything is filled with fascinating stories. Sit with them on Shabbos, tell them tales and Midrashim. People do not realize how thirsty children are to hear more and more stories. And you do not even need to just tell them stories; if you sit with them, they will already tell you themselves wonderful chiddushim (novel Torah insights) that they heard in the Talmud Torah (school), insights that no ear has ever heard.

The Contradiction in the Character of Noach

In all the books on the weekly Torah portion, it is written that Noach did not rebuke the people of his generation. But in the Gemara (Sanhedrin 108b), the exact opposite is brought down:

"What is the meaning of the verse, 'A contemptible torch in the thought of him that is at ease, a thing ready for them whose foot slips'? This teaches that Noach the tzaddik would rebuke them and say to them words that were as harsh as torches."

If the Gemara explicitly states that he did rebuke them, why do all the books say that he did not rebuke them? We can only understand this contradiction based on the words of the holy Rebbe Nachman (Likutey Moharan, Torah 8).

Rebbe Nachman explains that rebuke which is said with yelling, in a blunt manner, and as harsh as torches—is not called rebuke at all. When you take your child and yell at him, it simply will not help. Yelling is not a way to educate, and it is not a way to rebuke.

The Path of Avraham Avinu

In order to understand what true rebuke is, we must contemplate the path of Avraham Avinu. Avraham fulfilled the mitzvah of rebuke in its entirety. How did he do this? He planted an eshel (an orchard or inn). He opened "restaurants" in Be'er Sheva and in Chevron, places that were open twenty-four hours a day. He instructed his students to serve the passersby, to give them food and drink, and to bestow upon them an abundance of sweets.

After the guest finished eating, Avraham would say to him, "Well, now say that everything came into being by His word! Recite the Borei Nefashos blessing!" When the guest would wonder and ask, "Who does this belong to? What do you mean it belongs to Hashem? Someone sowed and planted this!" Avraham would reply to him, "If it does not belong to Hashem, then please pay for all the meals you ate." When the guest realized the expensive price he would have to pay, he hurried to agree, "Fine, it belongs to Hashem, it belongs to Hashem."

Through food, drink, a welcoming countenance, and even through a sense of humor, Avraham Avinu instilled emunah (faith) into people.

Rebuke Out of Joy

In contrast, Noach went and started yelling at people. He said to them words as harsh as torches. But yelling and scolding are not considered rebuke. Therefore, it is brought down in the books that Noach "did not rebuke" his generation. Not in the literal sense that he remained silent—after all, the Gemara testifies that he spoke harshly—but rather that such speech is not considered true rebuke.

It is not called rebuke when you yell at your child, scold him, or speak harshly with people. True rebuke is when you give people food and drink, tell them joyful things, and awaken them to emunah (faith) and teshuvah (repentance) out of love.

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