The Secret of Waiting: The Danger in the Desire to See Immediate Salvation

Lesson #3 | Lesson A - (Continuation from Tape #2) Motzaei Shabbos Kodesh, Parashas Kedoshim, 30th of Nissan, 1st day of Rosh Chodesh Iyar, 5755

A surprising interpretation from the Jerusalem Talmud regarding the verse "Hand to hand, the wicked shall not be cleansed": Why does the expectation of receiving immediate reward for prayer or charity actually distance salvation? An article of strengthening regarding Emunah (faith), patience, and the self-nullification required when standing before the Creator.

A New Interpretation: "Hand to Hand, the Wicked Shall Not Be Cleansed"

The Gemara cites the verse in Proverbs: > "Hand to hand, the wicked shall not be cleansed" (Proverbs 11:21).

Usually, we are accustomed to interpreting this verse according to Halacha, as referring to a man who gives money to a woman directly from hand to hand; he must be careful not to look at her during the giving. Even if he is a tzaddik like Moses our Teacher, if he does not guard his eyes, he "will not be cleansed from the judgment of Gehinom." This matter of guarding the eyes is a tremendous foundation, especially in crowded places like the Damascus Gate, where the spiritual danger to the eyes and the mind is even more severe than physical dangers, and one must walk there with eyes literally closed.

However, the Jerusalem Talmud brings a new and deep interpretation of this verse, which directly touches upon our service of prayer and Hisbodedus. Rabbi Pinchas says: "Hand to hand, the wicked shall not be cleansed – this refers to one who gives charity and seeks to take its reward immediately."

The Danger in Immediate Expectation

A person gives charity, gives a thousand dollars, and immediately calculates how he will profit a million from it. He gives in order to get rich. He wants to see the blessing "immediately." It is the same with prayer: A person did an hour of Hisbodedus, and he already expects to see the bride, to see the apartment, to see the million dollars in the bank and the savings for the grandchildren. He exits the hour and says: "Where is Hashem? Why hasn't Hashem answered me? I did an hour of Hisbodedus!"

Regarding this, it is said, "Hand to hand, the wicked shall not be cleansed." This approach, where a person wants to receive the reward immediately right into his hand, is the root of the problem. It shows that his desire is pressured and panicked. From Heaven, they tell him: "You want it immediately? Please, take it immediately." But this is not a blessing; it is a curse.

This is similar to the matter of Shemitah (the Sabbatical year). The Torah says: > "And if you shall say: 'What shall we eat in the seventh year?'... I will command My blessing for you in the sixth year" (Leviticus 25:20-21).

With the Holy One, Blessed is He, there are no problems. But when a person worries and asks "What shall we eat?", he is essentially trying to manage affairs himself. When a person worries for three years, he needs to work three times as hard. He needs to hire workers, supervise them, and work twenty-four hours a day to gather the produce, leaving him no time even to sleep. He thinks this is a blessing, but it is slavery. Conversely, if he had trust (Bitachon) and "went out quietly," he would see that the trees are full of fruit in such abundance that there is no need to steal and no need to fear—abundance descending to the world corresponding to all the years.

Do Not Make Plans for the Holy One, Blessed is He

The Holy One, Blessed is He, does not need our help in managing the world. Our problem is that we try to make plans for Hashem: "Where is my bride? Where is my apartment?" The person wants to arrange Hashem's schedule, to rush Him. He says: "Master of the World, You are not cruel, after all, so I will rush You a bit with some shouting."

One must know: Do not rush Hashem! Hisbodedus is something else entirely. The Holy One, Blessed is He, knows exactly what you deserve, and He will give you the best thing, which no one else has merited. But He knows the right day and the right moment. If you ask to receive the reward immediately, you are in the category of that person who brings the sack to the field and already yells, "Load me up!"

What is True Hisbodedus?

People start talking about Hisbodedus, but they do not truly know what it is. Hisbodedus is not standing before Hashem and yelling: "Nu, give it to me already! Give it to me already!" That is not called Hisbodedus; that is called eating the cake. Like a child who yells in the middle of a meal, "Give me, give me."

True Hisbodedus is the stance of a "servant before his master." When a person practices Hisbodedus, he must feel that he is currently standing in the Heavenly Court, being judged on every thought and every sight. He must stand in submission, like a pauper at the door, like a son before his father.

Halacha states that one must wait one hour before prayer. What does one do during this hour? One does not run away immediately. One stands in awe and fear, not out of anger nor out of levity, but out of the joy of Torah. We do not rush the Holy One, Blessed is He, but rather nullify ourselves to Him.

Hisbodedus is the place where a person cries from the walls of his heart: "Master of the World, where am I holding? After all, I commit sins and cannot stop; I am deteriorating and see no end." This is a cry of truth, of a person who understands that he has no power of his own, and he depends solely on the mercies of Heaven. Only when a person reaches this place—of nullifying the desire to receive immediate reward and of standing as a servant before his master—is this the beginning of the salvation (Yeshuah).

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